Tommy’s Story

Thomas Joseph 

Birth Story – As Told By Your Mother, Aimée 

9.3.16 

You started getting ready to come, sending me your first signs, when  I was 34 weeks pregnant with you. Surges in the night, or when I walked  too many hills, or too far, or when I got dehydrated. Our midwife Michelle  said you had to wait until 37 weeks to come out fully-formed and strong  enough to not have to be born in a hospital. This time, we were planning  on doing things in the peace and comfort of home.  

So I rested.

Cut my walks in half.

Took it easy - hard for this busy mama!

Drank more — with electrolytes!

Talked to you and asked you to wait.

You did.

You cooled your jets for a couple more weeks as I got my act  together, and didn't send me any signals again that I couldn't handle - just  the occasional tightening sensations, and you kept slowly dropping down in  my pelvis. We made it to 37 weeks, 38 weeks, and in my 39th week, you  started knocking on my door again about halfway through the week,  usually between 2 to 4 AM. 

 On September 3, 2015 - your due date - right at midnight, I got up to  pee and my waters were leaking. Hooray! You were on your way! Or not. Could be at could be up to two more weeks, but usually that's a good sign 

babies are coming soon. I called Michelle and went back to sleep as best I  could. The surges made it hard to really sleep, but I rested save my  energy.  

That was a Thursday - picture day for your sister Lois at her  kindergarten up the hill. Daddy fed her breakfast, and I packed her lunch,  and fixed her curly red hair into two fairy princess buns. Business as usual,  except you were coming – the gentle surges told me so. Daddy took off  work that day, and since I was cool, he went to the gym and took care of  himself for the journey ahead. Surges weren't really speeding up too much, but they kept coming all day, and Michelle said acupuncture would be a  good idea. There just happened to be a neighborhood mom (another  Michele - mom to Sloan and Elle) who had an office nearby and could fit  me in that afternoon! Daddy got Lois from school, and they both drove me  to Jackson Square, where Michele the acupuncturist drove my surges sky high with tiny needles and a magical machine called a tens unit. I really  believe this trained my body for the “big waves” - the productive surges  that would bring you to me. I could feel my cervix stretching and opening, and I kept my breathing low and slow. After almost two hours at her office, I walked all the way home - 45 minutes up hills and the Vallejo steps! I  even sat to rest on a comfy couch someone had put on the street, but I  made it home in time for dinner. Whew! 

That evening I ate with your dad and sis, and prayed you make your  debut when the darkness came. I was wearing thin and couldn't face  another sleepless night.

Our midwife Michelle and I kept texting and calling and she came  over each day to check me out - taking my temperature and blood  pressure, making sure I didn’t have an infection, charting, soothing, always  asking me what I wanted, never telling me what was best. She made me feel so safe and calm - just what’s needed to bring a baby! I decided that  you didn't come by morning, that I was going to take castor oil to get things  moving - yuck!  

No sleep again. Surges through the night…it was so hard not to get  anxious. I weathered it alone, not wanting to wake your dad, because I  needed him strong and rested for watching Lois and supporting me  through the next phase.  

But by 3 AM, I couldn't sleep at all, and went into the family room to  change things up. I was starting to lose faith, lose hope. I was exhausted,  and the surges weren’t close enough together, long enough, or strong  enough to bring you out. I needed support, but it was 3 AM, so at 4 I called  your Auntie Poppy (Phyllis - my best friend from college) on the East  Coast. She had birthed both her babies naturally, and would just be getting  up in Brooklyn. She picked up! We FaceTimed - it helped so much to see her and the kids, and she gave me the pep talk of my life. "It's like a  marathon,” she coached, “And you're just taking one step at a time". She  encouraged me to call my doula (another Michelle – Auntie Fresh), once it got to be 5 AM. “It’s ok to ask for support now, you need it," Phyllis assured  me. 

So I did. Michelle Fresh picked up and said she could make it to the  City from North Marin by 7-ish. My whole body relaxed. It was only 5, but I 

knew I'd have her amazing strength and calm in just a couple hours. I  could last a couple hours - I knew it! 

I dropped in again, and let your dad get Lois to school - again. It was Friday - Spirit Day - and she wore her red Garfield shirt, with gold  pants, and a crimson layered skirt. Red for school spirit, red for red tents, and women's power, and life blood, and cord blood, and whoah - I was  getting ahead of myself! 

The surges came and went, came and went, but Michelle Fresh was  coming, my doula was on her way. She finally arrived around 8 AM, and  quietly touched base with your dad. Just her presence brought the  vibration lower and slower: "This is normal, this is life, this happens. I've  done it, you're doing it," her being seem to say without saying much at all.  I don't remember much of what she did, other than give me an epic foot massage with lavender oil, so I could rest deeply (no sleep, but good, solid  rest between the surges). She even had to leave to get her girls, since her  babysitting options were changing by the minute, yet she made sure I was  in good hands with your dad, and left a pixie dust of calm on the house.  

John (Daddy) had just returned from the gym, or Trader Joe's, or  both, and suddenly I got really emotional. Deep guttural sobs poured from  me, and I could feel you pushing down on my sacred spot (G spot) as you  dropped further and further down toward your entrance to this world. Your  dad held me as I slumped over Brooke’s green exercise ball, letting all that  raw emotion flow through me. Your dad was so loving and present through  it all - fulfilling my dreams about what a birth partner could be. This precious moment lasted about an hour, and then passed. 

Surges returned to their normal unpredictable pattern, and Dad picked up Lois from school - or maybe our neighbor walked her up (I don't  know much about this time other than I was going to try one more time to  sleep before taking the castor oil to really get things moving).  

Nap attempt failed yet again, so it was time - castor oil mixed with  mango sherbet! Auntie Fresh was back at this point, having gotten her  mom to watch the girls (Uncle Rick, her husband, was working all this time  is a firefighter at the Butte fires near Mimi and Papa’s Murphys house).  Fresh was cooking chili, watching your sister, holding down the fort. And  then not 15 minutes after taking the castor oil, around 7 PM on Friday,  September 4, my surges started speeding up, and getting so strong I was  throwing up. The castor oil never even made it past my stomach! Your dad  kept timing my surges and sending them to Michelle Welborn with an app  on his phone - amazing. They were so close together now, and he kept  calling her, saying, "This is looking like it might be it," and Michelle Fresh  was saying, "I think you're in transition, Mama." Michelle Wellborn kept  wisely putting us off, because the surges were not regular in any way - no  311 pattern was emerging. But still she came over the hill nonetheless (she  lived in Russian Hill) and arrived around 7:45 PM. Orna, her sweet Israeli born apprentice, came soon after, and so did Kara, the super-amazing  attending midwife. All three prepped the living room, as I crouched on all  fours at the foot of our bed, a pillow under my knees. Lois, Auntie Fresh,  and your dad took turns coming to me, and watching quietly from the  leather couch your great-grandfather and great-grandmother (Grandee and  Namee) had left us. Lois would even coach me, saying, "OK Mommy, picture a beautiful forest with fairies and trees, and relax. Now picture the 

humans coming and cutting down all the trees, and now breathe that out."  She somehow thought the “exhale the bad” concept would help me relax  through the surges. I finally said, "Honey, no bad images OK? Just good  ones.” She got the hint and started breathing with me, placing crystals on  my back and generally helping the midwives - she was only five years old! 

The surges were so strong, like a freight train running through the  core of my being, and all I could do to stay grounded through the pushes.  The rests in between helped so much. I remember saying "Yeeeeeeesss!"  never “Noooo!” and “I can do this! I can do this!" Welborn was saying, "This  is your power, Aimee. You're doing this." Everyone was so encouraging. 

 It was nearing 9:30 PM. I remember thanking God it wasn't a school  night, and we could all have the weekend to welcome you peacefully into  our lives. Your dad played a special music mix he made with “Let it Be,” by  the Beatles, and I could hear you crying! Your little voice!  

“Reach down and touch your baby’s head,” Michelle said, and I felt  your soft wet little head for the first time. Then Lois came over, and  Michelle invited her to do the same. (I don't actually remember in what  order that happen but I clearly remember your head being out and hearing  your sweet cry before I pushed the rest of you out. ) 

What happened next is a bit foggy as well, but I remember you being  handed to me and feeling your wet warm little body for the first time, skin to-skin on my chest and stomach. You started nursing right away and were  so alert and present! Lois came over and started reading you a book she  had bought you with your Nana.

I was high beyond belief - what joy and what bliss! Your dad got to  hold you and eventually a good 2 to 4 hours later, he cut the umbilical cord  binding us together. 

The midwives Michelle, Kara, and Orna were busy monitoring and  managing some bleeding I had. They gave me a shot and a pill (I think) to  stop the bleeding, massaging my uterus and keeping very calm and  focused. Such love, care, confidence, and trust - taking the meaning of  “health care” to an entirely new level… I had no tearing and the bleeding  stopped promptly with their expert care. They quietly retired to the parlor  room across our flat to begin charting with their iPads and brewing sitz  bath herbs, while your Dad and I had a snack and rested with you in bed.  Auntie Fresh had long since put Lois to bed, and slept on the lower of the  two bunk beds (which ironically had belonged to her two girls, Bella and  Gianna, the later of whose birth I had attended as Michelle’s doula!).  

Of all of these unforgettable moments, I will never forget walking  down our narrow hallway with Michelle Welborn on my first trip to pee since I birthed you. This can be an intense and frightening experience for a  mother who has just given birth, yet Michelle held both my hands, walking  backwards and asking me to sing something so I didn't pass out. What  song was it? “Let It Be” by the Beatles. (This song came through crystal  clear during an earlier hypnotherapy session with Sandra, our Doula from  Lois' birth; and it remained constant throughout my birth prep and during  your birth.)

Tommy, most women in our country will not know this kind of tender, intimate health care, and most babies will not be brought into the world  peacefully and with their family surrounding them, including siblings. You're  truly blessed. You have blessed us all with your birth, and your life on this  earth, and for this we are forever grateful. Amen! Welcome, Tommy!